Gonzo Journalism – Turkey Business
Last Christmas, I was poisoned by my mother-in-law. It was nothing personal. She poisoned her heavily pregnant daughter as well.
“Urgh!” announced my better half from the bathroom. “That’s the first spew of my pregnancy.”
“I blame the turkey,” I said pushing past for a turn at the bowl.
“But you didn’t even eat the turkey.”
“Exactly,” I said with a splatter. “That’s how bad it was.”
But I had no idea how bad it was until, this silly season, I went to see some turkeys.
“There must be quite a build up of stock for Christmas,” I said to my animal liberationist guide, Emma, as [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Tony Laumberg
When I’m not busy Googling myself, I like to flip through the pages of the Law Society Journal … looking for myself. Recently, I spotted an ad for a play by writer, producer, and fellow lawyer Tony Laumberg. I noted with interest that Find Me A Lawyer would be his eleventh annual production of “fun and frivolity” with a legal hook. Eleven plays!
I felt a jealous pang, tossed the Journal aside and resumed Googling myself.
I could not help but be drawn to the reviews of my own comedy shows: “the show … didn’t seem to have much point” (Adelaide Fix, [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Medically Supervised Injecting Centre
“I’d like to be a fly on your wall,” I said. “I’ll just sit there quietly, watching users inject.”
“No, we made a decision about that sort of thing a long time ago. We’re a health service, not a zoo,” said the guy who took my call at the Medically Supervised Injecting Centre. “Why don’t you come on one of our guided tours?”
“You have tours?”
“We started doing them when we first started out – mostly for health workers and the local community. Ten years later, we’re still doing tours.”
So, they took down my name and profession and, on a Tuesday afternoon, [...]
Guerilla Law – complaints about police
I set up my ‘free legal advice’ stall in Glebe. Two young men sat down and said they were sick of being hassled by the police. I told them that the best thing to do would be to avoid the police in question. I also told them how to make a complaint about the police.
I recorded the conversation and it was broadcast on 2SER’s law show ‘Radio Atticus’. You can listen below:
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Gonzo Journalism – Malaysian Swap
As a long financial year drew to a close, my psyche told me I needed a holiday. My accountant told me I needed deductions. And so, I flew myself and my family (read: employees) to a resort in Malaysia for a Journal of Contract Law conference.
After making myself Robinson Crusoe by showing up to the first session in shorts, I slunk back to my room to change into my suit, returning in time for lunch. Of course, the Australia/Malaysia refugee swap was the buffet-queue stopper.
“We have no right to criticise,” said one Malaysian lawyer. “We are awful to refugees.”
I suddenly [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Lawyer in the Making
My de facto Sally is, at the time of writing, just over 40 weeks pregnant. It’s our first. We’re expecting a boy. And I want our son to have all the things that I never had: a prescribed career path, parental pressure, and a boater. So, to get our boy off to the best possible start, Sally, belly and I went to the recent Independent Schools Expo to ” ask all the questions parents need to ask to assess a school’s suitability for their child” or, in this instance, foetus.
” Getting in early I see,” said the woman at the [...]
Guerilla Law – how to get a divorce
I set up my ‘free legal advice’ stall at the Kiama Seaside Markets. A guy called Carl sat down and told me he had been separated from his wife for years and wanted to know how to get a divorce. (Between you and me, I think Carl might have had a new romance developing and wanted a clean slate.) He said he didn’t know where to begin.
I told Carl to visit the Family Court and fill in the forms. If you don’t have any children under the age of 18, you don’t even have [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Graduation Day
After a long and difficult battle, my university finally succumbed, and I became a graduand for a Master of Dispute Resolution (with Honours).
The ceremonial instructions displayed a typical lack of humour (with a touch of passive voice): “You must return your academic dress … within one hour of the close of your graduation ceremony … By hiring the academic dress, you agree [we are] entitled to charge you the full purchase price … if it is not returned by the return time.”
I thought I should try out my new qualification in dispute resolution (with much dishonour) by taking off, and [...]
Radio Atticus – seventh brush with the law
The seventh installment of my segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Kiama Seaside Markets. Maggie wanted to know what to do about an electricity company that damaged her household appliances.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Lexcursions – No Pants Train Ride
This year marked the tenth annual ‘No Pants Train Ride’ – a flash mob event, originating from the US, where participants take off their pants and go riding on trains. The local chapter encouraged attendance, but warned that “participants are subject to the laws of ‘Offensive Conduct’ enforced by NSW Police and ‘Offensive Behaviour’ enforced by Transit Police”.
Having attended last year sans-pants, I thought, this year, I would go in my trousers and my ‘professional capacity’. And as the pants-free train riders circled Sydney on trains, I spoke to people on platforms to find out whether the proverbial man (or [...]
Lexcursions – Life after Law
‘Reinvent Your Career’ was the theme of a recent expo at the Sydney Convention Centre, promising representatives from “organisations excited to meet mature-age career transitioners”. I set off to find out just how excited they would be to meet me, in the guise of a lawyer who had been forced into the ultimate career transition.
“I’ve just lost my practising certificate.”
The recruiter from ASIS was still excited to meet me.
That’s great,” she said, shaking my hand. “Half our intake last year were lawyers.
“An ex-lawyer,” I corrected.
“It really doesn’t matter – so long as the issue was nothing criminal.”
“No. Not as yet.”
“Then [...]
Radio Atticus – Erin Brockovich interview
Much to my surprise, I was invited to ‘An Afternoon with Erin Brockovich’ for the launch of the new Sydney office of Shine lawyers. I was one of many lawyers there who wondered why they had been invited, but decided to attend. I took the opportunity to interview Erin Brockovich for Radio Atticus.
See Radio Atticus for the full show.
Lexcursions – Secret Santa
“We are desperately seeking Santas,” pleaded an employment agency’s ad in the paper. “There’s a shortfall of a few hundred … to fill roles in shopping centres and department stores.” The deputy editor of LSJ brought the item to my attention.
“If they’re that desperate,” she said, “maybe you should apply.”
Dutifully, I rang the ‘Santa hotline’ and was patched through to a faraway woman for a telephone interview.
I was expecting 20 questions. I was asked about three. Did I like Christmas? Could I handle the suit and fake beard? And of course: ‘Do you like children?’
“I love children,” I replied. “But [...]
Radio Atticus – fifth brush with the law
The fifth installment of my segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Kingscliff Markets. Tom was concerned about his neighbour’s dead tree.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Lexcursions – Cutting through Clerkships
A university was kind enough to send me an invitation, via Twitter, to a ‘Clerkship Networking Evening’, promoted as providing “an invaluable opportunity … to allow students to ascertain which firms they will target … Similarly, it allows the representatives from each firm to identify potential employees and interact with candidates in … free-flowing discussion.”
I thought I would test just how freely the discussion would flow when I, posing as a cocky young law student, approached the law firms with one question in mind: “So, who pays the most?”
The woman from HR was confused.
“As in, which clients pay the most?”
“Who [...]
Satire – engineers beat lawyers
As the team of lawyers were quick to point out, 11 of the 27 prime ministers of this country have practised law. So how did a team of engineers convince an audience that they, rather than lawyers, would make better politicians, when even Gillard and Abbott both have law degrees?
Try this argument from the engineers’ second speaker, Andrew Pratley: “Australia had only one choice at the election, and that was to elect a lawyer. And what did we do? We rejected them both.”
The inaugural debate between Young Engineers Australia Sydney Division and the Law Society of NSW Young Lawyers was [...]
Radio Atticus – third brush with the law
The third installment of my segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Kingscliff Markets. Pat wanted some advice about her contract for installation of solar panels.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Radio Atticus – second brush with the law
The second installment of my segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Glebe Markets. Jerry wanted some advice about negotiating an easement to clear his neighbour’s land for bush fire protection so he could obtain a development approval to build a new house.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Radio Atticus – first brush with the law
The first installment of my new segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Glebe Markets. Brad sat down to ask about a potential criminal charge of common assault.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Lexcursions – Graffiti Clean Up Day
This year, the NSW Attorney General announced the inaugural Graffiti Action Day – a sort of ‘Clean Up Australia Day’ for graffiti. I’ve always had a soft spot for graffiti and so decided to take action. My plan: to volunteer and, working from the inside, persuade my fellow cleaners to preserve an artistic piece or two.
I arrived at the nominated Redfern address at the appointed time and circled the block looking for pieces most worthy of preservation. I couldn’t see much graffiti about and, wondering what we would clean, returned to the meeting point to find a woman sitting twiddling [...]
Engineers v Lawyers – debate
I spoke as second speaker for the lawyers in the inaugural NSW Young Engineers v NSW Young Lawyers debate. The topic was (or at least should be interpreted as): ‘That Engineers make better politicians than lawyers’.
As I seem to know many more engineers than I had ever previously realised, and as they all seem to be very interested in the outcome of this debate, I thought I would post the lot.
With engineers outnumbering lawyers by about 10 to 1 in the crowd, the event emphasised the importance of having a sympathetic audience. It can be difficult attacking engineers [...]
Lexcursions – Drinking with the Enemy
Instead of watching Australia’s World Cup matches from the comfort of my own home (or the discomfort of Darling Harbour), I decided to go to opposition dens – wearing, of course, green and gold.
Locating dens for Germany and Serbia was easy, both having dedicated clubs in Sydney, but for Ghana I needed some help.
Perusing the Ghana Association website, I came across the name of a Ghanaian lawyer, Kwame Koramoah. I cold-called. “I want to go drinking with the enemy,” I explained. “Can you help me find a gang of Ghanaians at midnight on Saturday night?” Kwame thought a chaperone might [...]
2002: A World Cup Odyssey – book launch – part 1
Speeches by Serene Johnson and me at the launch of my book ’2002: A World Cup Odyssey – or how I learned to stop worrying and love the game’. The launch was held at the Friend in Hand Hotel in Glebe on Sunday 11 July 2010.
2002: A World Cup Odyssey – book launch – part 2
A reading and speech by me at the launch of my book ’2002: A World Cup Odyssey – or how I learned to stop worrying and love the game’. The launch was held at the Friend in Hand Hotel in Glebe on Sunday 11 July 2010.
Lawyers Weekly – lawyer tells of football and beer
An Australian lawyer has taken his admiration for the FIFA World Cup to new heights by publishing a book about his efforts to watch as many matches in as many pubs in as many different countries as possible.
Anthony Jucha of Jucha Legal will release his book, titled 2002: A World Cup Odyssey or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Game, on the eve of this year’s World Cup final.
The book’s concept is simple: take a young and enthusiastic man (Jucha), who knows very little about football, plonk him in Europe and send him forth [...]
Lexcursions – How Golden was my Gavel?
The following is an edited version of my Golden Gavel swansong on 21 May 2010 for Law Week. I had been asked to speak on the topic: ‘Barristers: without solicitors, they’re really just fluff and stuffing’.
[Anthony walks on stage wearing what is effectively a fat suit made of teddy bears: one stuffed up his shirt, one in the back of his pants and one stuffed halfway down the front of his pants.]
… Don’t get me wrong – I like barristers. Everyone likes a bit of fluff – on the side. And I’m all for stuffing – on the front, on [...]
Drinking with the Enemy – Australia v Germany from the Concordia Club
At 1:30am, my alarm tossed me out of bed and into a taxi.
“To Darling Harbour?”
I was actually headed (replete in my Australia-gear) for the Concordia Club, a German Club, but what the hell, it would be good to savour the mainstream Sydney scene.
“To Darling Harbour then! Many people about?”
“Too early to tell.”
I leapt from the cab at Darling Harbour with my train to Tempe due to leave Central Station in about 15 minutes.
The scene tasted like sick. The official ‘Fanfest’ appeared to be already full and, outside of the flashing lights of the compound, on the cold pavement [...]
Socceroos leave Australians cold after Durban disaster
Sydney – Thousands of Australian football fans thronging Sydney’s Darling Harbour entertainment precinct on Monday stood with blank faces in front of blank screens trying to come to terms with a monumental 4-0 loss to Germany.
The fanatics amongst them had dreamt of an upset victory in their opening World Cup game in South Africa and the optimists of a draw against the three-time champions.
What unfolded in Durban was worse than either camp expected.
The magnitude of the defeat was conceded by captain Lucas Neill.
“As a whole, we made silly mistakes and we got punished and at this level that’s what happens,” [...]
Lexcursions – Unprecedented Lunch
I first encountered the book Letters for Lawyers in the old Sydney University law library some years ago. This book of conveyancing precedents, now nearly a decade in print, had become as weathered and worn as the library itself. A splitting spine spoke of perusals aplenty and many a pressing against photocopier glass.
When I first encountered the book’s author, Garry Barnsley (in much better shape than his book), I was curious about this local pioneer in legal precedent publishing. I wondered what would make such a (doubtlessly boring) man tick. And so, when planning a trip to his locale, I [...]
Golden Gavel All the Go
Renowned for being worth the 7.30am start, there will be plenty of giggling lawyers in Sydney this morning after the annual golden gavel competition.
This year 12 candidates fight it out in the hope of making it through to the national event in Canberra in October.
The Golden Gavel is not for the faint-hearted. Last year, contestant Anthony Jucha, from Jucha Legal, dressed in drag – complete with a wig – in the hope of acquiring the gavel trophy. (He came second.)
Competitors are given their own question to answer and 24 hours to prepare to be judged by NSW Supreme [...]
Lexcursions – Choose Your Own Obsession
“I want to design a computer game about lawyers, for lawyers,” I announced to my group at the Computer Game Design Workshop.
The workshop was part of a ‘retro gaming weekend’ at the Sydney Powerhouse Museum. A professor of ‘gameology’ was hosting what she described as “a four hour geek-fest” to teach about 30 of us how to design our own computer games.
The five other geeks in my group considered my proposition.
“Are you thinking RPG?”
“It could be,” I said (trying to cover my then ignorance of the acronym for ‘role playing game’.)
“I guess it could work [...]
Lexcursions – Little Congwong Beach
In February the police raided an unofficial nude beach in Sydney – Little Congwong Beach – and demanded the unclothed reclothe, or else.
People have been going naked at the beach for decades, but it was my first visit there when I met Juan and his wife Katina at the beach on a sunny Saturday morning.
“We don’t know everyone here by name,” said Juan as we walked to their favourite spot. “But we tend to see the same faces every week … and sometimes we see more than that.”
Katina stripped off and lay on her towel.
Juan did [...]
Lexcursions – Firm Recruitment at Pet Fair
My law firm does not have a real office, but if it did it, I imagine it would be quite nice to have an office pet. Something to help settle the clients. A waiting-room stress ball, with fur.
Seeking such a pet for my firm, I went to Sydney University’s Veterinary School pet fair. Following (and sometimes holding) my nose, I stopped at a white rabbit settled in a big man’s stroking hands.
“I’m looking for a pet for my law firm,” I said. “Would this make a good office pet?”
“A ‘Rex’ rabbit might work,” he said. “It’s a [...]
Lexcursions – The Medium is the Message
You might have noticed the recent advertising campaign for holidays in Daylesford. My partner Sally certainly did. And we (being she) chose Daylesford for our Christmas holidays.
If it had been Christmas 1864, we might have regretted the decision. Daylesford was then the scene of a notorious murder: local resident Margaret Graham was killed by a murderer who, allegedly, had come down the chimney.
Christmas was ruined! Daylesford’s populace was afraid. The police charged a vagrant, David Young, with the crime.
Evidence was adduced from a doctor (a ‘Dr Doolittle’), a scientist (“I cannot dis-tinguish male hairs from female hairs”), [...]
Tinged with Gilt
The complete audio from my show at the Adelaide Fringe festival in 2008: ‘Tinged with Gilt’
About 1 hour.
Rejection Letters
This is part of my comedy show ‘What Makes a Man Bare All?’ performed at the Adelaide Fringe festival in 2004. I created a poem out of rejection letters I received in response to job applications.
The Gay Man’s Handbook
This is the audio of a comedy documentary short film that was a finalist in the Feast Festival short film competition in 2003.
Jucha Legal
I am a commercial lawyer specialising in providing services for in house legal departments. I have worked as in house counsel and an external lawyer for many organisations including Faulding, Shell, Adelaide Brighton, Sydney Airport and BlueScope Steel.
As a result of my background, I am very aware of the challenges for in house legal departments in obtaining commercial and practical legal advice and managing external legal costs.
I provide legal advice and draft, review and negotiate commercial agreements. I also draft tailor-made precedents for in house legal departments.
I provide services externally, on site and as a locum lawyer. I [...]
Writing »
Gonzo Journalism – Turkey Business
Last Christmas, I was poisoned by my mother-in-law. It was nothing personal. She poisoned her heavily pregnant daughter as well.
“Urgh!” announced my better half from the bathroom. “That’s the first spew of my pregnancy.”
“I blame the turkey,” I said pushing past for a turn at the bowl.
“But you didn’t even eat the turkey.”
“Exactly,” I said with a splatter. “That’s how bad it was.”
But I had no idea how bad it was until, this silly season, I went to see some turkeys.
“There must be quite a build up of stock for Christmas,” I said to my animal liberationist guide, Emma, as [...]
Video »
Satire – Golden Gavel 2010
My speech in the NSW Young Lawyer’s Golden Gavel public speaking competition in 2010.
Competitors are assigned a topic at random less than 24 hours before the event. My topic was ‘Barristers – without solicitors they’re really just fluff and stuffing’. 500+ lawyers watch the event.
This was the last year I am ‘young’ enough to compete so I went for broke and tried to put on a real show. I also took the opportunity to made fun of: the President of Young Lawyers, the President of the Lawyer Society and the Honourable Justice Bergin Chief Judge in Equity of [...]
Audio »
Guerilla Law – complaints about police
I set up my ‘free legal advice’ stall in Glebe. Two young men sat down and said they were sick of being hassled by the police. I told them that the best thing to do would be to avoid the police in question. I also told them how to make a complaint about the police.
I recorded the conversation and it was broadcast on 2SER’s law show ‘Radio Atticus’. You can listen below:
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Media »
Satire – engineers beat lawyers
As the team of lawyers were quick to point out, 11 of the 27 prime ministers of this country have practised law. So how did a team of engineers convince an audience that they, rather than lawyers, would make better politicians, when even Gillard and Abbott both have law degrees?
Try this argument from the engineers’ second speaker, Andrew Pratley: “Australia had only one choice at the election, and that was to elect a lawyer. And what did we do? We rejected them both.”
The inaugural debate between Young Engineers Australia Sydney Division and the Law Society of NSW Young Lawyers was [...]
Store »
Satire – What Makes a Man Bare All?
Anthony’s 2004 Adelaide Fringe debut takes us on a journey that bares all. With musical support from Gary and Rob (and constant interruptions by Michael Hicks), the show features such unusual explorations as:
• why spotted ties send the wrong message
• the rejection letter poem
• the army, cocaine, grenades and me
• why thinking about work can actually increase arousal
• losing your virginity; beware the dark blue ring
• hard up at the puppetry of the penis auditions
• the brighter side of breaking your penis
• a long weekend sleeping out with the homeless
If there is a place in hell for you [...]
