Gonzo Journalism – Turkey Business
Last Christmas, I was poisoned by my mother-in-law. It was nothing personal. She poisoned her heavily pregnant daughter as well.
“Urgh!” announced my better half from the bathroom. “That’s the first spew of my pregnancy.”
“I blame the turkey,” I said pushing past for a turn at the bowl.
“But you didn’t even eat the turkey.”
“Exactly,” I said with a splatter. “That’s how bad it was.”
But I had no idea how bad it was until, this silly season, I went to see some turkeys.
“There must be quite a build up of stock for Christmas,” I said to my animal liberationist guide, Emma, as [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Tony Laumberg
When I’m not busy Googling myself, I like to flip through the pages of the Law Society Journal … looking for myself. Recently, I spotted an ad for a play by writer, producer, and fellow lawyer Tony Laumberg. I noted with interest that Find Me A Lawyer would be his eleventh annual production of “fun and frivolity” with a legal hook. Eleven plays!
I felt a jealous pang, tossed the Journal aside and resumed Googling myself.
I could not help but be drawn to the reviews of my own comedy shows: “the show … didn’t seem to have much point” (Adelaide Fix, [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Medically Supervised Injecting Centre
“I’d like to be a fly on your wall,” I said. “I’ll just sit there quietly, watching users inject.”
“No, we made a decision about that sort of thing a long time ago. We’re a health service, not a zoo,” said the guy who took my call at the Medically Supervised Injecting Centre. “Why don’t you come on one of our guided tours?”
“You have tours?”
“We started doing them when we first started out – mostly for health workers and the local community. Ten years later, we’re still doing tours.”
So, they took down my name and profession and, on a Tuesday afternoon, [...]
Guerilla Law – complaints about police
I set up my ‘free legal advice’ stall in Glebe. Two young men sat down and said they were sick of being hassled by the police. I told them that the best thing to do would be to avoid the police in question. I also told them how to make a complaint about the police.
I recorded the conversation and it was broadcast on 2SER’s law show ‘Radio Atticus’. You can listen below:
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Gonzo Journalism – Malaysian Swap
As a long financial year drew to a close, my psyche told me I needed a holiday. My accountant told me I needed deductions. And so, I flew myself and my family (read: employees) to a resort in Malaysia for a Journal of Contract Law conference.
After making myself Robinson Crusoe by showing up to the first session in shorts, I slunk back to my room to change into my suit, returning in time for lunch. Of course, the Australia/Malaysia refugee swap was the buffet-queue stopper.
“We have no right to criticise,” said one Malaysian lawyer. “We are awful to refugees.”
I suddenly [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Lawyer in the Making
My de facto Sally is, at the time of writing, just over 40 weeks pregnant. It’s our first. We’re expecting a boy. And I want our son to have all the things that I never had: a prescribed career path, parental pressure, and a boater. So, to get our boy off to the best possible start, Sally, belly and I went to the recent Independent Schools Expo to ” ask all the questions parents need to ask to assess a school’s suitability for their child” or, in this instance, foetus.
” Getting in early I see,” said the woman at the [...]
Guerilla Law – how to get a divorce
I set up my ‘free legal advice’ stall at the Kiama Seaside Markets. A guy called Carl sat down and told me he had been separated from his wife for years and wanted to know how to get a divorce. (Between you and me, I think Carl might have had a new romance developing and wanted a clean slate.) He said he didn’t know where to begin.
I told Carl to visit the Family Court and fill in the forms. If you don’t have any children under the age of 18, you don’t even have [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Graduation Day
After a long and difficult battle, my university finally succumbed, and I became a graduand for a Master of Dispute Resolution (with Honours).
The ceremonial instructions displayed a typical lack of humour (with a touch of passive voice): “You must return your academic dress … within one hour of the close of your graduation ceremony … By hiring the academic dress, you agree [we are] entitled to charge you the full purchase price … if it is not returned by the return time.”
I thought I should try out my new qualification in dispute resolution (with much dishonour) by taking off, and [...]
Gonzo Journalism – International Be Kind to Lawyers Day
The second Tuesday in April was the inaugural International Be Kind To Lawyers Day. The day was conceived by a non-lawyer who explains at www.bekindtolawyers.com that he feels sorry for lawyers and thinks we should be “treated like regular people” for at least one day a year. To celebrate the day, I planned to seek kindness by sitting in Martin Place, in my suit, next to a sign stating “lawyer” with an arrow pointing to me.
But, alas, duty called. A regular corporate client wanted me to work from their office for the day. Not wanting to forsake the day (and [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Street Count
It was a Monday. Having arranged to work from home for the day, I snuck in a nap after lunch and, as soon as I’d tucked in the clients for the night, I went straight to bed. Alas, this is not my usual routine. I was readying myself for a night shift, walking the streets, counting homeless people. I had volunteered for ‘Street Count’ – the City of Sydney’s annual count of the city’s homeless population.
I tried to sleep, but the neighbours had gone to bed early – and randy – and seemed intent on letting everyone know. I think [...]
Gonzo Journalism – Erin Brockovich
I recently discovered in my letterbox an invitation to be “a special guest at an afternoon with Erin Brockovich” to celebrate the launch of a law firm’s new Sydney office. I wondered why I had been invited. On reading that “Erin has been working with the firm since 2007″, I wondered why a law firm would need a non-lawyer like Erin Brockovich to help them with their work. I decided to find out.
I accepted the invitation. I re-watched the film. I went to my local library and borrowed the co-authored self-help book that had followed. And I arrived at the [...]
Radio Atticus – seventh brush with the law
The seventh installment of my segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Kiama Seaside Markets. Maggie wanted to know what to do about an electricity company that damaged her household appliances.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Lexcursions – No Pants Train Ride
This year marked the tenth annual ‘No Pants Train Ride’ – a flash mob event, originating from the US, where participants take off their pants and go riding on trains. The local chapter encouraged attendance, but warned that “participants are subject to the laws of ‘Offensive Conduct’ enforced by NSW Police and ‘Offensive Behaviour’ enforced by Transit Police”.
Having attended last year sans-pants, I thought, this year, I would go in my trousers and my ‘professional capacity’. And as the pants-free train riders circled Sydney on trains, I spoke to people on platforms to find out whether the proverbial man (or [...]
Lexcursions – Life after Law
‘Reinvent Your Career’ was the theme of a recent expo at the Sydney Convention Centre, promising representatives from “organisations excited to meet mature-age career transitioners”. I set off to find out just how excited they would be to meet me, in the guise of a lawyer who had been forced into the ultimate career transition.
“I’ve just lost my practising certificate.”
The recruiter from ASIS was still excited to meet me.
That’s great,” she said, shaking my hand. “Half our intake last year were lawyers.
“An ex-lawyer,” I corrected.
“It really doesn’t matter – so long as the issue was nothing criminal.”
“No. Not as yet.”
“Then [...]
Radio Atticus – Erin Brockovich interview
Much to my surprise, I was invited to ‘An Afternoon with Erin Brockovich’ for the launch of the new Sydney office of Shine lawyers. I was one of many lawyers there who wondered why they had been invited, but decided to attend. I took the opportunity to interview Erin Brockovich for Radio Atticus.
See Radio Atticus for the full show.
Satire – engineers beat lawyers
As the team of lawyers were quick to point out, 11 of the 27 prime ministers of this country have practised law. So how did a team of engineers convince an audience that they, rather than lawyers, would make better politicians, when even Gillard and Abbott both have law degrees?
Try this argument from the engineers’ second speaker, Andrew Pratley: “Australia had only one choice at the election, and that was to elect a lawyer. And what did we do? We rejected them both.”
The inaugural debate between Young Engineers Australia Sydney Division and the Law Society of NSW Young Lawyers was [...]
Radio Atticus – third brush with the law
The third installment of my segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Kingscliff Markets. Pat wanted some advice about her contract for installation of solar panels.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Radio Atticus – second brush with the law
The second installment of my segment ‘Brush with the Law’ on Radio Atticus – 2SER’s show on law and social justice (also broadcast on the Community Radio Network).
I set up a market stall and offer people free legal advice. This was recorded at Glebe Markets. Jerry wanted some advice about negotiating an easement to clear his neighbour’s land for bush fire protection so he could obtain a development approval to build a new house.
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Writing »
Gonzo Journalism – Turkey Business
Last Christmas, I was poisoned by my mother-in-law. It was nothing personal. She poisoned her heavily pregnant daughter as well.
“Urgh!” announced my better half from the bathroom. “That’s the first spew of my pregnancy.”
“I blame the turkey,” I said pushing past for a turn at the bowl.
“But you didn’t even eat the turkey.”
“Exactly,” I said with a splatter. “That’s how bad it was.”
But I had no idea how bad it was until, this silly season, I went to see some turkeys.
“There must be quite a build up of stock for Christmas,” I said to my animal liberationist guide, Emma, as [...]
Video »
Satire – Golden Gavel 2010
My speech in the NSW Young Lawyer’s Golden Gavel public speaking competition in 2010.
Competitors are assigned a topic at random less than 24 hours before the event. My topic was ‘Barristers – without solicitors they’re really just fluff and stuffing’. 500+ lawyers watch the event.
This was the last year I am ‘young’ enough to compete so I went for broke and tried to put on a real show. I also took the opportunity to made fun of: the President of Young Lawyers, the President of the Lawyer Society and the Honourable Justice Bergin Chief Judge in Equity of [...]
Audio »
Guerilla Law – complaints about police
I set up my ‘free legal advice’ stall in Glebe. Two young men sat down and said they were sick of being hassled by the police. I told them that the best thing to do would be to avoid the police in question. I also told them how to make a complaint about the police.
I recorded the conversation and it was broadcast on 2SER’s law show ‘Radio Atticus’. You can listen below:
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Media »
Satire – engineers beat lawyers
As the team of lawyers were quick to point out, 11 of the 27 prime ministers of this country have practised law. So how did a team of engineers convince an audience that they, rather than lawyers, would make better politicians, when even Gillard and Abbott both have law degrees?
Try this argument from the engineers’ second speaker, Andrew Pratley: “Australia had only one choice at the election, and that was to elect a lawyer. And what did we do? We rejected them both.”
The inaugural debate between Young Engineers Australia Sydney Division and the Law Society of NSW Young Lawyers was [...]
Store »
Satire – What Makes a Man Bare All?
Anthony’s 2004 Adelaide Fringe debut takes us on a journey that bares all. With musical support from Gary and Rob (and constant interruptions by Michael Hicks), the show features such unusual explorations as:
• why spotted ties send the wrong message
• the rejection letter poem
• the army, cocaine, grenades and me
• why thinking about work can actually increase arousal
• losing your virginity; beware the dark blue ring
• hard up at the puppetry of the penis auditions
• the brighter side of breaking your penis
• a long weekend sleeping out with the homeless
If there is a place in hell for you [...]
