Dancing
This is a scene from my comedy show ‘& Other Difficulties’ performed at the Adelaide Fringe festival in 2006. The scene explores my experiences of dancing and night clubs.
Golden Gavel 2006
My speech in the NSW Young Lawyer’s Golden Gavel public speaking competition in 2006. Competitors are assigned a topic at random less than 24 hours before the event. My topic was ‘Work choices for lawyers: more hours, same money or more hours, same money’.
Golden Gavel 2006
Review – & Other Difficulties
After his bare all expose during the 2004 festival, which received varying degrees of bad reviews (read: vastly misunderstood), Anthony Jucha has decided to gather up all the overtly ambitious thespian flare and spirit within and take matters further; after all this new show is clearly all about him and how dare the press attack his well meaning integrity?
Struggling between his professional career as a lawyer and, of all things, a wannabe comedian, Jucha demonstrates his aspirations over the years: dressing up as Patsy Bisco and reading an occasionally flawed, but otherwise cutely conceived story of a little sea monster [...]
Channel 10 News – Puppetry of the Penis
ABC Radio – Puppetry of the Penis
My interview with ABC Radio in Port Pirie (just after I had moved into town).
The Law Society Bulletin – Courts Open Day
Adelaide Theatre Guide – What Makes a Man Bare All?
Billed as an hour show, I had to skip out of this one 80 minutes into it in order to make my next production. Dare I say, it was with some relief that I did so too.
Anthony Jucha is not a comedian. He’s an angry man with too many issues to be funny. Using video footage, some of his stories were amusing, but he spends a lot of the show working himself up over the injustices of this world. He has every right to be angry, as we all should, over the homeless and other unacceptable bi-products of our world, [...]
Bad Saturday
Some years ago on Holy Thursday, the night before Good Friday, I was at the casino having an unholy good time. Drinking and gambling, on filthy feet. And winning! But midnight arrived and they closed the place up. Gambling is banned on Good Friday, so everyone left the casino using the Lord’s name in vain.
Ever since, I have wondered what happens when the casino reopens. What happens when Good Friday gives way to the next day? Bad Saturday.
I spruced myself up to find out. I donned my latest op shop suit; a brown plaid sort of a number. I wore [...]
Review – What Makes a Man Bare All?
What makes a man bare all? A question that’s rhetorically asked many times over in this, a comically based exploration of social issues, morals and one man’s askew sense of curiosity. Anthony Jucha (pronounced ‘Yooha’) takes us on an ongoing journey where, often upon acting on a whim, he covertly enters into different realms.
Beginning his show by explaining his current position as an unemployed lawyer, Jucha moves on to tell of a weekend spent sleeping out with our city’s homeless. Peppering the sadder aspects of this ‘assignment’ with many humorous revelations that serve to subtly deprecate his own good fortunes, [...]
Rejection Letters
This is part of my comedy show ‘What Makes a Man Bare All?’ performed at the Adelaide Fringe festival in 2004. I created a poem out of rejection letters I received in response to job applications.
What Makes a Man Bare All?
The complete audio from my show at the Adelaide Fringe festival in 2004: ‘What Makes a Man Bare All?’
About 1.5 hours.
Review – What Makes a Man Bare All?
One and a half stars.
Adelaide lawyer and comedian Anthony Jucha wanted to bare all to festival-goers. What a pity then his stories weren’t particularly engaging or funny.
Jucha discussed life as a lawyer, spending three nights on the streets with the city’s homeless and losing his virginity – yet nothing held much interest. The only truly funny part was when he showed his failed audition tape from Puppetry of the Penis – though that too was more cringeworthy
than hilarious.
His “feral” folk singer sidekick Soursob Bob was the show’s only saving grace. But when a song about putting panties on mannequins is [...]
At Your Lip Service
PUCKER up, Adelaide – smooches are going for just $1.
That’s the going rate at a kissing booth run by Adelaide comic Anthony Jucha, left, to promote his Fringe show, What Makes a Man Bare All?, starting today.
Anthony, 29, who is also a part-time commercial lawyer for Doman Lawyers and failed penis puppeteer entrant, said the stunt was all his marketing budget would allow.
“You do have to do things to compete with the big names,” he said.
Andrew has managed to rack up 50 kisses – from both men and women – in two days. A bought kiss earns a free ticket [...]
On Going Bare
ADELAIDE lawyer and penis puppeteer Anthony Jucha gives a thoughtful and humorous account of his personal experiences in What Makes a Man Bare All at the East End Exchange Hotel from March 8 to 14 (daily at 7pm and 9pm). He reveals the intricacies of penis puppetry and professional flirtation, relates his experience of sleeping out with the homeless, and reflects on his rejections in law and in love.
(The Messenger – 3 March 2004)
Freshbait Theatre
Freshbait is a Fringe program giving young artists the chance to test their work on a live audience.
Free Freshbait theatre, music, dance, film and mixed media performances are dotted around the Fringe Hub. If past festivals are anything to go by, they are worth a look although my opening-day Freshbait experience was hit and miss.
After arriving late for the start of the theatre program – curiously, a film called Evolution – I joined a queue of similarly ill-fated people asked to wait outside. When the film ended, we waited some more while the set was installed for the second piece, [...]
Trials of a Bike Courier
I rejoined the Law Society at its very reasonable rate for non-practicing lawyers. It was my first move on returning from London some ago. Actually, it was my second move. My first move was to move in with my parents. My third move was to move out.
I may have been unemployed, but I was still qualified. Qualified (so said my new landlord) to rent. Phone, electricity, gas, water, food and (cask) wine soon followed. And bills with no billables, does not a happy lawyer make.
My profession was calling, but another called louder. I knew what I had to do and [...]
Law in the Raw
HE’S an Adelaide lawyer who moonlights as a comedian and his claim to fame is auditioning for Puppetry of the Penis – and failing.
“I don’t know why I missed out because I could do all the moves – the Eiffel Tower, The Loch Ness Monster, the Windsurfer,” Anthony Jucha said last week.
Now Anthony has turned his bizarre life experiences into a one-man show, What Makes A Man Bare All, from March 8 to 14 at the East End Exchange for this year’s Fringe Festival.
The show will include some video footage of Anthony’s penis puppetry audition.
“You just won’t see anything more [...]
New Year’s Eve at the RAH
I arrived at the Royal Adelaide Hospital at noon on New Year’s Eve. My plan was to sit in the accident and emergency waiting room for twenty four hours, straddling the midnight celebrations by twelve hours either side, and watch the carnage roll in. And so, I met with security to collect my visitor’s pass.
“If you need anything, just ask and we’ll do our best to accommodate you,” said the security guard. “But there’s just one thing we ask. If you see any problems – do not approach the problem.”
“No problem.”
I took up a chair in waiting room. An automated [...]
Land Warfare Conference
A couple of weeks ago, Adelaide played host to a conference on warfare. The event rotates between capital cities each year, but this time, instead of wooing the host city, the conference hid beneath fears of terrorism, sneaking into the Convention Centre unannounced. ABC Radio found out (the DSTO’s web site gave it away) and managed to interview a spokesman who confirmed “Yes, the conference is happening, but we don’t want to talk about it.” Hardly a scoop.
I wanted to see the conference, but even more so I wanted to get in under its skin. I wanted to see the [...]
The Loved One
Gotcha
I stood at the curb, watching the hopefuls lining up outside Caos Café. They had come to audition to become professional flirts. It’s a new job in Adelaide! Gotcha Enterprises has arrived. And it was holding auditions for fresh bait, to use in its business of catching out cheating partners. On behalf of their better, suspicious, halves.
Gotcha’s clients provide Gotcha with a photo of their partner and details of their day to day life. Then Gotcha sends out its flirts to intercept them, and test them, to see if they stray. Gotcha reports back to the client. And the future [...]
Wrestling with a Conscience
I had never been to a wrestling match before. But violence begets violence, and so expecting trouble I prepared my defences. I wore steel caps. I even took a spare set of shoes in my bag – in case violence had begotten so much violence that steel caps had been banned!
The woman on the door had other concerns.
“Raffle ticket?”
“Um… sure. What do I win?”
“A magnum of champagne and these kitchen scales.”
Quite a combination. “Okay, Give me two tickets.”
I entered the arena. Lights bright, music pumping, I surveyed the crowd feeling well out of place [...]
Homeless
Anthony Jucha spent the Queen’s Birthday long weekend sleeping rough in Adelaide’s west parklands.
I did not know whether I would go through with the idea. I was at work ringing around for advice, speaking with someone from Westcare, one of Adelaide’s day centres.
“You really should meet someone who lives on the streets first,” he said. “Get an introduction – for your own safety, and out of respect. Clara would look after you. I’ll put her on…”
I could hear Clara coming. She took my idea and put it into action.
“You’re a lawyer?”
“That’s right.”
“Where’s your office?”
“Halifax Street.”
“What number? I’m coming over.”
“No, don’t [...]
The Gay Man’s Handbook
This is the audio of a comedy documentary short film that was a finalist in the Feast Festival short film competition in 2003.
Down and Out in Adelaide – It’s Just Not On
THREE nights in the cold and rain have convinced Anthony Jucha that Adelaide’s homeless community is doing it too tough.
Mr Jucha, a lawyer, went to the city’s west parklands on Friday night to spend the long weekend with people sleeping rough. He wanted to see how people coped under such trying conditions. What he found at his campsite near the West Tce cemetery was dozens of people who had too little to eat and few opportunities to improve their lives.
He was also angry at what he saw as the heavy-handed tactics of police and council workers.
“I was warmly accepted and [...]
Blitz on Parkland Homes
HOMELESS people camped in the Adelaide Parklands say city council workers took away their tents and blankets during the wild weather of the past fortnight.
People scattered through isolated pockets of the parklands are now using tarpaulins as shelter against the winter rains.
Several are settled among gum trees behind former netball courts next to West Tce Cemetery.
Aaron Mundy, 29, who has been camping in the parklands on and off for the past seven years, said council patrols were taking possessions while people were away finding food or showers.
“They come by during the day and take our tents, blankets, pillows, even cups [...]
Lawyer Lives on the Streets to Highlight Homeless Hardship
An Adelaide lawyer is spending the long weekend living on the streets in a bid to highlight the plight of homeless people in Adelaide.
Anthony Jucha says he is angry at the way homeless people get shunted from one spot to another but thought it important to get a more informed understanding of the issue.
He says it has been a difficult experience.
“I’ve done two nights out, I’ve got one to go,” he said. “It’s a long weekend, so Friday, Saturday, Sunday night. It’s pretty cold but it’s a drop in the ocean. I mean, I’ve met people who have been out [...]
Forest of Dreams
MEANWHILE, a lot of city residents remain fascinated or intrigued by that artwork in Hurtle Square. It’s moved Anthony Jucha to write:
There never was a forest
any less of a forest
than The Forest of Dreams
But there never was a forest
any more of a forest
with such beautiful trees
Published in The Adelaide Messenger on 28 May 2003.
Adelaide Explorer
At 9:05 am every day, the Adelaide Explorer leaves from Bee Hive Corner.
At 9:20 am, just about every day, the Adelaide Explorer turns down my street and startles me into action. I race to the front door for the passing parade and, boxer shorted, stand smile and wave!
No one ever waves back. Not ever. Are the highlights so high, the commentary so compelling, that no notice is afforded the stark waving mad?
At 9:05 am, just the other day, the Adelaide Explorer left from Bee Hive Corner. I was aboard. I wore considerably more than short boxer shorts.
The Adelaide Explorer [...]
Confessions of a Penis Puppeteer
‘Puppetry Of The Penis’ is certainly a show to see, but then anyone can go along to the show. I wanted to experience something more. I wanted to see ‘Puppetry Of The Penis’ auditions! In fact, I reasoned, I wanted an insider’s view – after all, if anything could be funnier than seeing professionals doing tricks with their dicks it would have to be seeing poor amateurs doing the same. As much as the prospect filled me with fear, I could think of only one way to see the auditions; I would have to go and audition myself. Which was [...]
What Makes a Man Bare All – Puppetry of the Penis Audition
PERFORMERS usually jump at the chance to be part of an international comedy show but only one rose to the occasion at the Adelaide auditions for Puppetry of the Penis yesterday.
Anthony Jucha, 28, a lawyer and part-time comic writer, braved the cold at Her Majesty’s Theatre to perform genital origami.
“I just came here for research for my writing. I am really nervous about getting a call back and I will cross that bridge when I get to it,” he said.
“I practised at home for a couple of hours. It wasn’t that hard, it’s a pretty simplistic craft.”
While the tricks may [...]
Today Tonight – Gotcha
The Final: Germany v Brazil… from Berlin
I made hard work of getting to Berlin. My mind has given up and left me to face my decisions alone. What could have been a restful journey from Munich to Berlin turned into a frenzied fiasco via Frankfurt and an arrival in Berlin after yet another sleepless night on a train.
My body has caught on to my mind’s little game and turned against me as well. No amount of eating or sleeping will revive it above the most basic of functioning.
In the absence of any real sort of body or mind, I have been running solely on soul. A [...]
One Man’s World Cup Odyssey
Many would think Anthony Jucha is totally mad. He caught 35 trains, eight buses, four planes and three ferries all to watch a sport he cared little for, as MICHELLE GIGLIO writes.
Soccer fans across the country who may be weary after four weeks of intense World Cup emotion in front of the television should spare a thought for Anthony Jucha.
The London-based Australian has travelled 11,000km, zigzagging around Europe to watch Cup matches with European fans. He has spent 240 hours on trains, buses and ferries to make each kickoff on time, often foregoing sleep – and personal hygiene – along [...]
Germany v South Korea… from Munich
Someone must have shuffled the streets of Brock while I was out drinking all day because I had great difficulty finding the train station that had introduced me to the town. A town of so few people and yet so many beers.
I awaited my overnight journey to Munchen with a drunken smile. I looked forward to a good sleep in a sleeper carriage couchette, but on boarding found that a woman who had earlier obliged with a photograph had now attached herself to me. I sensed that I had become her protector, her non threatening male, at that late hour.
The [...]
Jucha v Hungary, Romania and Yugoslavia
My journey to Turkey started swimmingly. Two trains from Madrid to Paris. Sixteen hours overnight. Lovely. A few hours at the station and then a quick train to Munich. Nine hours. No Worries. Again, some hours in Munich and then for the long haul. Forty-eight hours to Istanbul.
I was in good spirits and looking forward to Turkey. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a softly spoken Austrian whose name I could never quite get, but anglicised in my mind to be Bruno. In the few hours we shared, we discussed everything from world politics to sport to our [...]
Spain v South Korea… from Madrid
My record leading up to Spain was abysmal. From thirteen games I had three wins, four draws and five miserable losses. If I were a team that I managed and coached, I would have gone on strike, resigned and sacked myself by now.
I yearned to see some dancing in the streets. With a strong team and a country full of Spaniards, I believed that Spain might provide the remedy. I dearly hoped they would reach at least the quarter finals for which I hoped to make Madrid. They did and I did. Just.
Italy’s railways conspired to make me miss all [...]
7 Days, 7 Parties
FORMER Adelaide lawyer Anthony Jucha reckons he’s no soccer fanatic.
But buoyed by a desire to join in the local festivities as fans cheer on their World Cup teams, Jucha has clocked up 5000km in a dash across the continent.
He has traversed seven countries in seven days, catching 30 trains, three ferries, three planes and two buses to cheer on each European team.
His rationale is simple.
“Anyone can buy a ticket and go to the Cup,” he said. “It is a completely unremarkable thing to do. My venture is unique, exciting and untested ground.”
by NADINE WILLIAMS and JOSEPHINE AGOSTINO
(The Adelaide Advertiser – [...]
Italy v South Korea… from Verona to Milan
It is quite a journey from Stockholm to Rome, but I felt confident that I could cover it in the forty-eight hours available. I felt happy and with good reason. I had arranged to meet up with my partner, Deb, in Berlin. Deb is a seasoned traveller and had agreed to join me for some of my madness. I looked forward to her sweet smile and some much needed sympathy.
I have developed sciatica. I know it as something Deb once had, common to overworked bodies made to sit for too long, say in trains, for example. It is an affliction [...]
Sweden v Senegal… from Stockholm
My train dragged me into Stockholm well after midnight, the witching hour, the hour which it was supposed to get me there.
I was content, but terribly tired and struggling not to fall asleep on the train. I did not know where the train went after Stockholm, but as the crow flies it would have just gone plowing straight into the ocean. I did not see any crows flying about, so that was probably what happened to them too. And if there was one place I did not want to wake up, it was in an ocean full of crows.
For once, [...]
Poland v USA… from Szczecin
Things are really starting to get interesting. Unintentionally, I have been conducting my own little experiment in sleep deprivation. I have had less than twelve hours sleep over the last three days. It is beginning to show.
Today, I missed my stop on a train. I knew it was time to get off, I just could not seem to get everything together in time to detrain. I stood at the door as the train pulled away from Berlin’s Zoological Gardens, desperately looking for a passing monkey to call to my aid. Damned German efficiency! If I was still in Italy, I [...]
Mexico v Italy… from Venice
I retired late in Ljubljana facing an early start ahead, but I simply could not sleep. Poland played on my mind. I felt uneasy about my sudden decision to skip the Pole’s game against the US and go to Italy instead.
I have been a little coy about my World Cup allegiances. While an Australian by birth, I am one of a first generation. My parents are European. I am half Dutch, a quarter Ukrainian and the last quarter, Polish. I grew up celebrating Wigilia over Christmas, eating borsch and pierogi. I even know how to order pancakes (‘nalesniki’) for breakfast [...]
Slovenia v Paraguay… from Ljubljana
I had many hours on trains during which to come down from Koln with a planned arrival in Ljubljana at 5:55am (unless I overslept, in which case I would probably end up in Zagreb).
I needed some rest and so for the last leg of my journey I booked a second class couchette, a short narrow bed. It was my first sleeper train and so I approached with apprehension. A kindly guard treated me with some affection and led me to my bed.
Then, a moment of panic! The guard ran off with my ticket and out of my sight. This broke [...]
Tunisia v Belgium… from Brussels
The game was beginning in less than twenty four hours. I sat waiting obediently for what was proving to be a most disagreeable means of transport. I’m comfortable enough sitting in a plane. I don’t mind flying. What really bothers me is sitting in a plane and not flying. Or, even worse, neither sitting in a plane nor flying, but lounging in a departure lounge from where no one departs. It seems to be the biggest part of flying. Not flying.
I suppose some unexpected delays are to be expected. We eventually took off and after our host, Pierre, worked his [...]
Argentina v England… from London
England was ecstatic. Millions planned to take sickies to watch the big match. The whole country wanted to see if their team could improve on their lacklustre draw with Sweden. Arch rivals, Argentina, awaited.
The Falklands was nothing. THIS would be war!
I did not care. I was having a day off. My own little sickie. I had about forty-eight hours to move out of London and too much to occupy my mind and my time to worry about football.
First, there were the Romanians. Leaving a country involves a lot of small jobs, house clearing by no means the smallest. My partner, [...]
England v Sweden… from London
Mercifully, I buzzed back from Paris aboard a plane. It left me some hours to stroll through the city to admire the Arch of Triumph and the Eiffel Tower, both mightier and uglier up close than I had ever imagined. I climbed neither, having a fear not only of fees, but also of heights – one of my most persistent and shameful self limitations.
No matter. I’d seen enough of Paris to know I’d be back someday soon.
Feeling conservative, I arrived at the airport with ample time to spare. A strange sensation for me. I checked in and relaxed, nibbling a [...]
Triple J – World Cup Interview
An interview broadcast on Triple J during 2002: A World Cup Odyssey.
France v Senegal… from Paris
It was a desperate dash down London’s Victoria Street with a overstuffed backpack strapped to my back. Sweating the sweat of both fear and exhaustion, I screamed into the station and pleaded my way to the front of the queue. I could not start with a miss! Ticket moistening in hand, I rushed to join a mercifully late boarding where I was allowed a brief pause.
My mind was already in Paris. I was so looking forward to joining the Parisians watch France play Senegal in the opening match of the World Cup. Paris would be the first stop of many [...]
Boxing Day in Wigan
They emerged, that day, with the first few flakes of snow. Drifting in as if from nowhere. A scarcely believable sight for a pair of Aussies a long way from home.
A chicken. A pig. And one enormously uddered cow. They marched into the pub and no one seemed to notice as they strode to the bar to partake in some pints. The pig bought the first round and could barely contain his laughter as he watched the cow slip an extra long udder into the chicken’s beer.
A choking chicken. A sniggering pig. And a cow reciting a carefully rehearsed “pull [...]
Welcome to London
I stepped out to the street from my new London abode.
“Oi! Do yu wa”a buy a laptop?”
I started sweating from the moment I saw it. I had been thinking of scouring the second hand market for a computer, but here was something that had slipped through its fingers.
“I’d have to have a proper look at it mate.”
In the car. Inane and idle chatter.
“Foirs’ time in London?”
“Yes, yes, not been here long.”
“Wel’ome to London son”
“Thanks” I said pouring over the laptop. A Pentium IV, 64 meg of RAM. Good. 10 gig, DVD, looks new. Looks good.
“Well i’s a Sony in’ i’?”
“Yes. [...]
London Trawling
My recent travels have required me to do some serious trawling for accommodation, perhaps more so in London than anywhere else. For that genuine London Eye-opening experience, the best ride in town has to be the city’s accommodation roller coaster.
Like so many new arrivals in London, my partner and I mooched our way through our first few weeks in town. We stayed with some long lost, but happily rediscovered, relatives who had three small children and a room to spare. The children clung to my limbs like baubles on a reluctantly replanted Christmas tree and reaffirmed my resolve to delay [...]
Visas
Visas. Be they the stamps that fill passports or the cards that drain wallets, one cannot go far without either.
My partner, Deb, and I obtained our Indian tourist visas well in?advance.
“After all” said our barely competent travel agent “we all know how slowly the cogs of Indian bureaucracy turn.” “Oh yes” we nodded knowingly, not actually knowing anything about cogs let alone ‘Indian bureaucracy’.
India’s bureaucratic cogs turned at record pace mincing us in the process. Our visas were granted within a week and, to our dismay, started to run immediately from the date of issue.
At least our travel agent managed [...]
Cricket
Standing room was tight in the dusty TV shop on the last day of the Chennai Test Match. An Indian victory was imminent and the local men were undivided in their attention on their cricketing heroes. That is, until Deb and I squeezed into the shop creating a painful dilemma as to whether to stare at the screen or this western woman who had just walked in the room. It may have been one of India’s finest cricketing moments, but here was a real live white woman with real live breasts to stare at. Hell, even a quick grope may [...]
Yoshi
Travellers of all nationalities abound in India, each behaving in their own odd ways and carving out unique reputations for their compatriots.
Brits have a reputation for never leaving Goa, roasting in the sun and partying hard. Americans are known for… well lets just say I have witnessed one incredible hissy fit over black coffee (or nescoffee as it is known in India) costing one rupee more than white nescoffee. Australians are renowned for our rougher, perhaps uncultured, nature and I often found myself cringing on hearing one of us use the word “youse”.
One notable ambassador for his country who did [...]
Kumbh Mela
When 30 million people get together to bathe at the confluence of three rivers (one of which is imaginary) one knows that it is going to be a pretty special day. According to the stars who read the stars, the 24th of January was to be the holiest day to be at the Kumbh Mela. As this was also the Maha Kumbh, occurring only once every 144 years, it was to be a most auspicious occasion. All who bathed were promised to wash away all their bad karma and perhaps even secure a direct route to heaven. I doubted that [...]
Karma
What goes around comes around. Though occasionally what goes around comes around before it even goes around, which can rather leave one wondering whether they are coming or going… in a round about way.
My partner, Deb, and I were fortunate enough to experience karma’s more subtle workings while on an attempt to navigate the unpredictable seas of India’s postal, banking and other bureaucratic systems.
Our previous postal experience had been a disaster leaving us convinced that the term ‘postal worker’ is truly a contradiction in terms in India. Neither rain, nor hail, nor sleet, nor snow actually inside the post office [...]
Camel Trek
In the middle of India’s desert state of Rajasthan there is a holy lake. Around the lake, temples, shrines, ghats and all manner of whitewashed buildings jostle to be nearest to its sacred waters. This is the town of Pushkar. It is a powerfully spiritual place that attracts Hindu holy men, but like so many places in India, the depth of Hinduism also attracts the shallowness of tourism. Pushkar is often overrun with tourists and occasionally overrun with camels as the host of India’s biggest annual camel fair. It was in Pushkar that these influences combined to inspire my partner, [...]
India Heads
As our travels in India drew to a close, my partner, Deb, and I started making the gruesome transformation from travellers into tourists, with the strange result that we were doing a hell of a lot more travelling.
We were discussing our degradation with a group of our fellow India Heads. They were clearly unsympathetic.
“We are travellers, not tourists and we are each doing India in our own individual ways” they declared while their piercings and dreadlocks bounced and flapped together in unison as if to punctuate the point.
At one point, someone must have bounced when they should have flapped as [...]
Queues
It seems that, despite having endless lives worth of time to play with, Indians experience an overwhelming and irrational sense of panic when faced with a ‘queue’. It is not sufficient to merely wait one’s turn. Rather, one should use every effort, including (if not especially) physical force, to get ahead in the ‘queue’ (or clumpish mass of flesh that ‘queues’ tend to deteriorate into).
This is where being six foot tall with face piercings and a bison arse comes in handy. A long history of earning positions in basketball teams through rebounding and boxing out ability alone is also most [...]
Toilets
Toilets are a big part of life in India and anything is fair game for a urinal. After all, even Gandhi had to piss occasionally.
Although, judging by the appalling lack of facilities for women, it seems that Mrs Gandhi didn’t.
All travellers to India spend hours on toilets, which can be an especially unpleasant use of one’s time. Particularly, I am told, in the women’s public toilets where some local women (perhaps overcome by actually finding a loo) will not quite make those last few steps to a cubicle and will settle for a spot on the floor.
My greatest w.c. highlight [...]
Mumbai
Mumbai. Bombay. Either way, it is a city overlooked by many. Indeed, the Lonely Planet confirms that “most travellers miss out on Mumbai, tending to hang around long enough only to organise transport to Goa.”
Frequently, I have heard people speak of their shock on arriving at Mumbai and being greeted with smog thin with air and endless slums threatening to drown the city in a brown ocean of despair. (I for one certainly expected to step off of the plane into sweet coastal air and the tree lined streets of suburban bliss – white picket fences and all).
My partner, Deb, [...]
Finlaysons’ In House Staff Magazine – Moustaches
Monopoly Champ
Anthony Jucha, of Marion, on Saturday, became South Australia’s best money-maker, winning the Monopoly Championship State finals. Anthony, 17, will compete in the grand final next Saturday, when Australia’s representative to the 1992 world championships in Berlin will be decided.
Writing »
Gonzo Journalism – Aboriginal Tent Embassy
The few times I’ve been to Canberra, I’ve felt drawn to the Aboriginal Tent Embassy. Australians are an obedient lot and, once in a while, it’s nice to see some ‘un-Australian’ breaking of rules.
So this year, on Australia Day, I decided to leave my de facto and baby at home – for my first night away since our boy’s birth – and camp at the Tent Embassy for its 40th anniversary celebration. For the first time in almost a year, I might get a decent night’s sleep.
I arrived to see TV crews leaving and an angry speaker on stage. I [...]
Video »
Satire – Golden Gavel 2010
My speech in the NSW Young Lawyer’s Golden Gavel public speaking competition in 2010.
Competitors are assigned a topic at random less than 24 hours before the event. My topic was ‘Barristers – without solicitors they’re really just fluff and stuffing’. 500+ lawyers watch the event.
This was the last year I am ‘young’ enough to compete so I went for broke and tried to put on a real show. I also took the opportunity to made fun of: the President of Young Lawyers, the President of the Lawyer Society and the Honourable Justice Bergin Chief Judge in Equity of [...]
Audio »
Guerilla Law – complaints about police
I set up my ‘free legal advice’ stall in Glebe. Two young men sat down and said they were sick of being hassled by the police. I told them that the best thing to do would be to avoid the police in question. I also told them how to make a complaint about the police.
I recorded the conversation and it was broadcast on 2SER’s law show ‘Radio Atticus’. You can listen below:
See Radio Atticus at 2SER for the full show.
Media »
Satire – engineers beat lawyers
As the team of lawyers were quick to point out, 11 of the 27 prime ministers of this country have practised law. So how did a team of engineers convince an audience that they, rather than lawyers, would make better politicians, when even Gillard and Abbott both have law degrees?
Try this argument from the engineers’ second speaker, Andrew Pratley: “Australia had only one choice at the election, and that was to elect a lawyer. And what did we do? We rejected them both.”
The inaugural debate between Young Engineers Australia Sydney Division and the Law Society of NSW Young Lawyers was [...]
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Satire – What Makes a Man Bare All?
Anthony’s 2004 Adelaide Fringe debut takes us on a journey that bares all. With musical support from Gary and Rob (and constant interruptions by Michael Hicks), the show features such unusual explorations as:
• why spotted ties send the wrong message
• the rejection letter poem
• the army, cocaine, grenades and me
• why thinking about work can actually increase arousal
• losing your virginity; beware the dark blue ring
• hard up at the puppetry of the penis auditions
• the brighter side of breaking your penis
• a long weekend sleeping out with the homeless
If there is a place in hell for you [...]
